Male Social Isolation and Loneliness in the Modern World
In 2021, the World Health Organisation (WHO) noted that social isolation affects around one in four older adults worldwide. This number is actually higher in Singapore. An earlier 2015 study conducted by Duke NUS Medical School’s Centre for Ageing Research and Education (Care) found that two in five Singaporeans aged 62 years and older are lonely. This is due to a number of factors, including shrinking family sizes which reduces the number of people older adults can turn to for support, and the reduction in social relationships as the older individuals become frail and immobile.
A more recent 2020 National University of Singapore (NUS) study involving 17,107 community-dwelling older Singaporean adults aged 61 to 96 years, also found that 6% of older adults are socially disconnected, where social isolation or disconnection refers to the lack of social, emotional and physical engagement with other people. Risk factors for social disconnection included living alone, lower education levels, cognitive impairment, poor health and depression. And among those living alone, it was found that men were about twice more likely to be disconnected than women.
In Singapore and across many parts of the world, a troubling trend has quietly crept into public consciousness in recent years: the rise in male loneliness and social isolation. Mounting research and anecdotal evidence suggest that social isolation is fast becoming a widespread public health concern among men. From teenage boys and young adults to middle-aged men and older adults, male social disconnection is manifesting across all ages, backgrounds and societies. Recent research in the US found that only 27% of men stated that they have six close friends (half of what it was 30 years ago). Even more worryingly, some 15% of men revealed that they have no close friends at all (which is up an astounding 500% since 1990). In an age of unprecedented connectivity, it is ironic that many men, especially the older individuals, find themselves feeling more isolated than ever.
The COVID-19 pandemic, with its extended lockdowns and disruption of regular social rhythms, brought this issue into sharper relief. However, male social isolation is not a pandemic-induced anomaly, it is a longstanding, structural issue that has been growing silently for decades. This article will examine the phenomenon of male social isolation: what it is, why it is happening, what consequences it brings, and how society, institutions and individuals can work together to address this pressing problem.
What Is Male Social Isolation?
Social isolation refers to a lack of social contacts and meaningful relationships with others. It is distinct from loneliness, which is a subjective feeling of being alone or disconnected, even though the two are often closely linked. A person can be socially isolated without feeling lonely and vice versa, but in many cases, especially among men, the two coexist in a destructive loop. For the recent NUS study, the researchers considered participants to be socially disconnected if they responded in the lowest 10% of a scale of perceived social support, and spent less than one hour a week in groups of more than three with people outside their families.
Male social isolation is often marked by a deficiency in close, supportive friendships, low levels of meaningful conversation, and few outlets for emotional vulnerability. While women, on average, are more likely to cultivate emotionally intimate relationships with friends and family, men tend to rely heavily on their spouses or romantic partners for emotional support. Men’s traditional role as wage earners results in them having smaller social networks and fewer social interactions than women. Furthermore, the transition from employment to retirement further curtails older individuals men’s social networks, worsening the disconnect. Thus, when men’s existing relationships break down, they are often left with little social infrastructure to fall back on.
“Social isolation and loneliness are more common in older adults with depressive and anxiety disorders than in their non-depressed and non-anxious peers. Psychiatric disorders such as major depression, generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder have been shown to increase the risk of developing loneliness during middle and late adulthood.”
Factors Driving Male Social Isolation
With Singapore set to attain “super-aged” status (where the proportion of a country’s population aged 65 and older exceeds 21%) in 2026, older individuals loneliness, particularly among men, will become a real threat. There have been many studies and articles devoted to examining the issue of social isolation, and they have uncovered several social, cultural and psychological factors contributing to the growing epidemic of male loneliness across the world. Let us look at some of the key factors driving this increase in male social isolation.
- Cultural Expectations of Masculinity
Traditional ideals of masculinity – independence, stoicism, and self-reliance – often discourage men from expressing vulnerability or seeking emotional support. From an early age, boys are often taught, explicitly or implicitly, to suppress their emotions, avoid seeking help, and compete rather than connect. Societal pressure and expectations cause them to feel like they have no choice but to be strong and independent. Men who internalise these norms may fear that opening up emotionally will make them appear weak, needy or unmanly. This not only hinders the development of deep, meaningful friendships, but also prevents many men from seeking professional help when they are struggling with mental health issues. This can quickly lead to emotional isolation, even for those men with people in their lives who care deeply about them. The stigma associated with shame or embarrassment over feeling lonely may be another key driver in men not seeking help.
Men also often equate career success as a definition of their muscularity, but the pursuit of career success may be the very culprit that causes some men to sacrifice personal relationships or hobbies that could help to reduce male loneliness. Even men in romantic relationships might feel lonely if their partners shut down because they are tired of feeling like they come second to the time and energy a man puts in at the office. These cultural factors all add up to make men more vulnerable to social isolation.
- Technology and the Illusion of Connection
The digital revolution has fundamentally altered how people interact. Men, in particular, may be more likely to use technology to engage in task-based or interest based communication (e.g., career, gaming, forums, sports-related discussions, etc.) rather than engage in emotionally expressive conversation. While these task- and interest-based platforms seemingly offer an endless stream of social interactions online, the interactions are often superficial, and lack the depth and richness of real-world face-to-face connections. This can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and disconnection despite intense engagement, particularly when individuals rely heavily on these online groups for social validation and companionship.
Heavy social media use can displace more authentic social interactions, leading to less time spent in real-world settings where meaningful connections can be formed. This shift of emphasis from the real world to an online environment can result in a decrease in opportunities for building strong, long-lasting relationships in the real world. Social media connections can create a false sense of belonging. Individuals may feel connected to an online group without actually experiencing genuine community or shared understanding.
Furthermore, social media can also result in a distorted sense of what other people’s lives look like, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy or alienation. The constant exposure to idealised or curated online profiles can lead to social comparison, where men may feel inadequate. This can negatively impact self-esteem and contribute to feelings of loneliness. Many online platforms are built around performance rather than connection, rewarding curated personas rather than genuine engagement.
Last but not least, reliance and dependency on technology for virtual social interactions and validation can actually interfere with the development of healthy real world social skills and relationships. Men who write fluently in text may struggle to express themselves when talking to others face-to-face. Coupled with male cultural norms making them afraid to open up, this can make it more difficult for men to build and maintain relationships in real-life settings.
- Relationship Breakdown and Life Transitions
Men are often more vulnerable to social isolation following major life changes such as divorce, loss of a spouse, job loss or retirement. Research has shown that divorced and widowed men tend to experience higher levels of loneliness compared to their female counterparts. This difference is often attributed to various factors, including men’s reliance on their partners for social support, stronger reliance on spouses for confidants and social contacts, and cultural ideals of masculinity that discourage expressing vulnerability. Men are also less likely than women to maintain social ties post-divorce, often losing contact with friends or even their children, exacerbating their sense of isolation and loneliness.
Job loss and retirement can also contribute to social isolation in men. For men, work provides opportunities for regular interaction with colleagues, which can be a significant source of social connection. Job loss can take away this source of social connection, while also stripping away the structure and routine of work, potentially leading to feelings of emptiness. Furthermore, men often define their identity by their career success and their status as the breadwinner. Job loss can, thus, lead to a sense of loss and uncertainty, impacting their social interactions.
Also, unemployment leads to reduced income, which may make it harder to afford social activities and leisure pursuits. The inability to engage in one’s usual social activities can contribute to feelings of isolation and a decline in social participation.
In later life, retirement can similarly strip men of their professional identity and daily routine, leaving a void that is not easily filled. Retirement can lead to a reduction in the share of colleagues within a person’s social network, potentially leading to decreased social interaction and increased loneliness. Without deliberate efforts to maintain and build new relationships, this can lead to chronic loneliness. Adjusting to a new life after retirement can also be challenging. This can lead to anxiety and depression, which can further contribute to social isolation.
- Physical Conditions
Various physical health factors are also related to older individuals social isolation and loneliness, including many common chronic diseases, impairments and geriatric syndromes such as cardiovascular disease and stroke, frailty, urinary incontinence and sensory impairment (e.g., hearing loss).
These causal relationships are often bi-directional, that is, social isolation or loneliness may increase the chances of developing a chronic health condition while, inversely, a chronic health condition may contribute to social isolation or loneliness by interfering with the quality, quantity or structure of relationships or by worsening pathophysiological processes.
While the relationships between combinations of conditions and social isolation or loneliness are not well studied, having multiple chronic conditions has been associated with a lower participation in social activities and having a limited social network. The immobility or potential embarrassment caused by chronic conditions, impairments and geriatric syndromes make people more reluctant to step out of their homes to engage with the outside world.
- Mental Health Conditions
According to a 2023 study, more than 8% of adults in the US had at least one major depressive episode in that year. While depression is observed to be slightly more prevalent in women, more than 6% of men experienced symptoms of depression. And just like physical conditions, the causal relationship between loneliness and depression (as well as other mental health conditions) is bi-directional.
Social isolation and loneliness are more common in older adults with depressive and anxiety disorders than in their non-depressed and non-anxious peers.
Psychiatric disorders such as major depression, generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder have been shown to increase the risk of developing loneliness during middle and late adulthood. Loneliness, in turn, has been linked to increasing social isolation (likely due to the negative social biases and avoidance characteristic of lonely individuals) and to higher rates of depression and anxiety over time.
Consequences of Male Social Isolation
Male loneliness is not just a personal hardship; it has wide-ranging implications for health, well-being and society at large. In fact, male social isolation is now recognised as a serious risk factor for a host of physical and mental health conditions, and many countries have started to look at this issue more seriously.
- Physical Health Effects
A landmark 2015 meta-analysis published in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that loneliness and social isolation, including both actual and perceived social isolation, can increase mortality risk by as much as 30%, rivalling well-established risk factors such as obesity, substance abuse and mental health problems. The study concluded that “it seems prudent to add social isolation and loneliness to lists of public health concerns. The professional literature and public health initiatives can accord social isolation and loneliness greater recognition.”
Other studies have also shown that lonely individuals are more likely to develop chronic conditions like cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, obesity, impaired immunity and even cognitive decline. For men, who are already at higher risk for many of these conditions, social isolation can compound these health vulnerabilities.
- Mental Health and Suicide
The mental health toll of social isolation is particularly acute. Depression, anxiety and substance abuse are more prevalent among socially disconnected men. Perhaps, more alarmingly, male suicide rates are significantly higher than female suicide rates in most parts of the world. In the US, men account for nearly 80% of all suicides, according to data from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). In Singapore, according to a 2018 Business Insider report citing data from the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), men accounted for 60-70% of suicide deaths between 2008 and 2017, in both the millennial age group and the general population.
One of the consistent themes in suicide prevention research is the protective effect of social support and a sense of belonging. When men lack close relationships and feel isolated, the risk of suicide increases dramatically. This underscores the importance of social connection as a life-saving factor, not just a luxury.
- Impact on Families and Society
Loneliness has a multidimensional effect beyond men’s health. It contributes to many major public health and societal challenges. Men face specific obstacles that put them at higher risk of increased healthcare utilisation and worse outcomes. Male social isolation compounds these problems. The increasing number of older men living alone are a high-risk group. This group of men has an increased need for healthcare services, yet often end up not utilising such services adequately.
Socially isolated men may also struggle in their roles as partners, fathers and community members. This can have a cascading effect on families, especially children who may grow up without emotionally engaged male role models. Furthermore, isolated individuals are less likely to volunteer, vote or participate in civic life. This weakens the fabric of communities. Thus, urgent action to tackle loneliness among men will be essential to alleviate problems that may burden our health systems and communities.
What Can Be Done?
Addressing male loneliness requires a multipronged approach – one that challenges outdated gender norms, creates opportunities for meaningful connection, and encourages help-seeking behaviour without stigma.
- Redefine Masculinity
For far too long, the rigid confines of traditional masculinity have created barriers for men seeking support for mental health concerns. The old notion that strength equates to silence about one’s struggles has perpetuated a culture where emotional vulnerability is often stigmatised, leaving many men to navigate the choppy waters of mental well-being alone.
It is clear that in order to peel away these layers of stereotypes and alleviate male social isolation, the first step is cultural: redefining what it means to be a man in a way that includes emotional expression, vulnerability and interdependence. This shift must include encouraging men to have honest dialogues about their mental health. This is not only necessary, but a vital aspect of holistic wellness.
In Singapore, there are campaigns and organisations that aim to address men’s mental health, recognising the unique pressures and barriers they face in seeking help. These include campaigns like Movember, where men grow a moustache, with support from their partners, to raise awareness and funds for men’s health issues – specifically prostate cancer, testicular cancer, mental health and suicide prevention; and groups like Society for Men’s Health Singapore (SMHS), which is dedicated to fostering friendship, understanding and mutual encouragement on healthy ageing for men. Additionally, public health campaigns like On The Mend have targeted young men to encourage them to seek help for depression.
However, challenges still abound as men in Singapore (like most other places) often face societal pressures to appear strong and resilient, making it difficult for them to openly discuss their mental health struggles. Some men may also lack the awareness or vocabulary to articulate their mental health concerns. Some individuals may hesitate to seek help due to concerns that it could be seen as a personal failing or that others might judge them negatively, causing them to delay or avoid getting support. These are all challenges that need to be overcome before we can truly bring about a cultural reset.
- Create Male-Friendly Spaces
Exclusively male spaces can provide a safe place for men to be authentic and vulnerable about their feelings and experiences. If you are feeling lonely, know that this is actually quite common among other men. By opening up, men can offer support to each other to better manage their problems. Such groups do not have to be dedicated to the sharing of feelings, problems and vulnerabilities. In fact, it might be better and easier if they are not.
For individuals, start a group that brings men together to do something, whether it is playing cards, watching sports or discussing current events with the goal of fostering intentional dialogue. But set aside specific time blocks at the beginning or end of gatherings for group conversations focused on talking about the latest happenings in each other’s lives and how each person is feeling. These moments can be structured, with predetermined topics and questions, or unstructured, with time dedicated to open conversation. While it may take time, as each person shares his challenges or listens to others, a culture of support and vulnerability will naturally develop. There is no specific way or best practice to create emotionally supportive male environments, but ones that are active, competitive and have space for humour may be more appealing.
Many men tend to need structured, purpose-driven settings to form friendships. Unlike women, who often bond through conversation, men tend to connect more easily through shared activities. Community programmes that blend purpose with connection, such as activity clubs and sports leagues, can be powerful antidotes to isolation.
“In Singapore and across many parts of the world, a troubling trend has quietly crept into public consciousness in recent years: the rise in male loneliness and social isolation. Mounting research and anecdotal evidence suggest that social isolation is fast becoming a widespread public health concern among men. From teenage boys and young adults to middle-aged men and older adults, male social disconnection is manifesting across all ages, backgrounds and societies.”
- Prioritise Self-Care
Prioritising self-care is crucial for men dealing with social isolation, as it addresses the mental and physical health impacts of loneliness. By focusing on things like regular exercise, healthy eating and sufficient sleep, men can improve their mood, reduce stress and cultivate a sense of well-being, ultimately making it easier to connect with others.
Regular physical activity helps to release endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects and helps combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Nurturing one’s body with nutritious food can further improve energy levels and overall mood, making it easier to engage in social activities. Prioritising quality sleep is also important as it helps to regulate emotions, improve focus and enhance cognitive function, all of which can help to support social interaction.
There are other things one can do for mental self-care. Writing down thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to process emotions, gain perspective and identify patterns that may contribute to feelings of isolation. Making an effort to reach out to friends, family or acquaintances, whether in person, online or through phone calls; joining groups and activities that align with one’s interests; engaging in hobbies that provide a sense of purpose and enjoyment, while offering opportunities to meet like-minded individuals; and volunteering are all good ways to enhance mindfulness and increase social engagement.
- Leverage Technology
In the same way that technology can drive male social isolation, it can also be a powerful tool in addressing male social isolation by facilitating connection and support. Beyond engaging in task-based or interest-based groups, there are also online support groups and virtual therapy platforms that can provide avenues for men to connect on a deeper level with others, where they can share experiences and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Virtual communities can provide a safe space for men to connect with other men who may be going through similar challenges. This can offer a sense of belonging and support. There are also online forums and discussion boards, which allows for anonymous sharing of experiences and advice among peers. Last but not least, virtual therapy platforms offer accessible and affordable mental health support through online counselling or therapy sessions, if one feels too awkward to seek face-to-face help.
- Encourage Help-Seeking Behaviour
Perhaps, the most important aspect of addressing male social isolation is to actually encourage men to seek help. Even if men are willing to open up, there may be times when talking and sharing with peers is no longer enough, and professional help is needed. Mental health campaigns should specifically target men, addressing the stigma around vulnerability and therapy. Providing male-specific resources, such as male therapists, counselling support groups, or apps designed for men, can help to bridge the gap.
Treatment is more than just talking about being lonely. Therapeutic sessions offer benefits such as learning anxiety management techniques that can help one gain control over irrational fears that prevent him from making positive social connections with others; and utilising cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which can help the person identify and challenge negative thought processes that might encourage an inclination toward isolation. Solution-focused therapy can help guide a person to a place where he begins to establish and nurture meaningful connections in all areas of his life.
Workplaces and healthcare providers should also be trained to recognise signs of male isolation and depression, which may manifest differently than in women. Offering discreet, accessible support services can make it easier for men to seek help without shame.
A Quiet Crisis with Loud Consequences
Male loneliness and social isolation represent a quiet crisis with loud consequences. From rising suicide rates to declining physical health and weakened community bonds, the toll of social disconnection is profound. Yet, because of entrenched cultural norms and a lack of public discourse, it remains under-addressed and often invisible.
Solving this problem will not happen overnight. It will require a re-evaluation of what we teach boys about friendship, strength and vulnerability. It will require institutions, including schools, workplaces and governments, to invest in programmes that foster connection and belonging. And it will require men themselves to take the courageous step of reaching out, opening up and allowing themselves to be seen. In the words of author and psychotherapist Andrew Reiner, “We have to stop telling boys and men that they must be strong alone. True strength is built together.” PRIME
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