Hard to Please | Dealing with Difficult People

Lion on working desk – Dealing with Difficult People

Difficult people are everywhere. It is impossible to avoid them in our lives — individuals whose behaviour seems designed to provoke, frustrate, or unsettle us. Whether it is a passive-aggressive co-worker, a controlling family member, an incessant complainer, or a rude stranger, dealing with difficult people is part of life.

While we may not be able to change such individuals, we can change how we respond. In doing so, we protect our mental and emotional health, foster better outcomes, and grow through the experience.

Charles Swindoll, a renowned evangelical Christian pastor, author, and educator, once said:

“I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”

Let us explore how to manage that “90%” when facing difficult people.

Understanding Difficult People

At the heart of managing difficult people is understanding them. It is easy to label someone as “toxic” or “impossible,” but such labels often conceal more than they reveal.

People behave the way they do for a reason. Difficult behaviour often reflects inner turmoil, unmet needs, fear, or learned survival strategies. A chronic interrupter may be seeking validation. An aggressive boss may be masking insecurity. A manipulative friend may associate control with safety.

These insights do not excuse poor behaviour. However, they provide a more compassionate framework for responding to it.

Recognising Behavioural Patterns

Understanding difficult personalities begins with recognising patterns. Certain behavioural styles are more likely to create tension in relationships.

Some individuals display self-centred or domineering traits, including a strong need for admiration, sensitivity to criticism, and limited empathy. Others rely on passive-aggressive behaviour, expressing resentment indirectly through silence, delays, or subtle sabotage.

There are also people who shift rapidly between closeness and rejection, creating emotional instability in relationships. Chronic complainers, fault-finders, and pessimists can drain energy by focusing on problems rather than solutions.

Why People Become Difficult

Personality traits are not the only cause of difficult behaviour. Many external and internal factors play a role.

Some individuals feel entitled, believing they deserve special treatment. Others carry unresolved trauma or past experiences that make them defensive. Stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm can also trigger difficult responses.

Cultural differences may contribute as well. What feels rude or aggressive in one context may be normal in another. These differences can easily lead to misunderstandings.

Emotional Regulation

One of the most important skills in dealing with difficult people is emotional regulation. When someone pushes our buttons, the instinct is often to react. Unfortunately, emotional reactions tend to escalate conflict.

Pausing is crucial. Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Step away briefly if needed. These small actions create space to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Staying calm prevents the other person from gaining control over the situation. Once emotions take over, power often shifts away from us. Learning to dissolve anger or fear before it turns into action is a valuable life skill.