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As our parents age and transition into retirement, we may assume that they experience less stress in this particular life stage given the reduced responsibilities and commitments.
While research have shown that older adults may be better equipped to handle acute stress, they are also more vulnerable to physical health impacts that come with chronic stress. Some common factors that contribute to stress in elderly adults include cognitive impairment, a decline in overall physical health, caretaking responsibilities, problems in family relationships, dealing with grief and loss from seeing close friends and family pass on, less financial independence, and a lack of social support or sense of community.
These risk factors can affect an elderly adult on multiple levels. As caregivers, it is important to have an awareness of the signs of distress in our elderly parents so as to provide adequate and appropriate support. Understanding these signs and ensuring early detection can help seniors learn to recognise their emotional triggers and responses, as well as provide an opportunity to teach them mechanisms to cope with the effects of psychological stress.
It is important to note that going through difficult periods of life is a normal part of the human experience.
Our body and mind do go into a fight-flight response as a way to protect ourselves from negative situations.
However, if you notice your elderly parent experiencing several of these symptoms over a prolonged period of time, do not hesitate to discuss your concerns with the affected parent or a healthcare professional on the best steps to take moving forward.
PHYSICAL SIGNS OF DISTRESS
- Some of the most common physical signs of distress displayed by the elderly are:
- Poor self-care or poor personal hygiene (e.g. unkept clothing, unwashed hair, poor oral hygiene).
- Regular complaints of physical pain. Rapid weight gain or weight loss.
- Wounds or injuries that are not healing or have not been cared for.
- Lack of compliance or absence of required medication. Chronic difficulties with initiating or maintaining sleep.
- Not wearing required assistive devices (e.g. hearing aids, glasses or dentures).
EMOTIONAL SIGNS OF DISTRESS
- Besides physical signs of distress, our elderly parents may also show emotional signs of distress, such as:
- Persistent feelings of sadness, nervousness, anger or loneliness.
- Shares beliefs of being a burden to others, or feelings that “no one cares about me” or “it does not matter what happened to me”.
- Increased irritability and episodes of anger outbursts. Being overly suspicious or fearful of others.
- Mood swings, with a lack of ability to feel better. Expresses that “life is not worth living anymore” or “I am not going to be around for much longer”.
COGNITIVE SIGNS OF DISTRESS
- Besides physical and emotional signs of distress, the elderly may also show cognitive signs of distress, including:
- Significant memory loss that impacts daily functioning. Repeatedly asking the same questions.
- Consistently forgetting to pay bills.
- Is disorientated and confused about what time or day it is. Is not able to remember familiar objects, places or people. Significant problems with short-term or working memory. Has difficulty holding a conversation.
BEHAVIOURAL SIGNS OF DISTRESS
- Lastly, we also need to look out for behavioural signs of distress like:
- Lack of pleasurable and meaningful activities.
- Has difficulty managing basic activities of daily living. Social withdrawal and isolation from friends and family. Changes in eating habits.
- Neglect of home environment, living space, pets, etc. Appears uneasy, is overly tearful, or worried about self, situations or others.
- Increased use or alcohol or misuse of prescriptive/non-prescriptive medication. Is giving away favourite possessions
STAYING IN TOUCH
Sometimes, we may forget how impactful it can be to check in on our elderly parents, especially when we are caught up with our daily work commitments and responsibilities. Setting aside intentional time to check in on our elderly parents not only creates a healthy regular habit of enquiring about their well-being, but also helps to strengthen the family bond and relationship.
While some conversations are harder to have than others, especially if we need to bring up certain concerns that our parents may be sensitive or unwilling to talk about, it is important to continue to facilitate psychological safety and openness in addressing these issues. This is the only way to move forward from experiencing distress.
Psychological safety can come in the form of being non- judgemental to their feelings or decision-making process, practising patience to the changes in their capacity to understand and implement healthy habits, and acknowledging their point of view, even though it may seem irrational at the time. It is important for caregivers to normalise the different emotions their parents may be experiencing as they go through transitional changes and challenges in their life stage.
Fostering a communicative relationship gives caregivers an opportunity to make observations of their elderly parent’s mental state and physical health, which would then better inform their care management moving forward.
Finally, it is also important to set aside time to engage in meaningful conversations, with less emphasis on logistics and more on understanding our parents as human beings who may be going through certain struggles as they age.
FINDING JOY IN SIMPLICITY
Life does not need to be less interesting or fulfilling for our parents as they age. As their caregivers, we can encourage our parents to manage their expectations on what their body and mind is able to do in their senior years. Life may move at a slower pace, but this is okay.
When helping our elderly parents set personal goals for themselves, we can encourage mindfulness over achievement and reaching milestones. In their senior years, life can be focused on reconnecting with the natural world, spending time meaningfully with loved ones, appreciating the companionship of animals, connecting with loved ones, and embracing the present moment.
The journey to self-acceptance and self-fulfilment can also include exploration of what self-expression looks like, a clarification of personal values in their current life stage, and learning to take life one step at a time while celebrating successes, big and small.
And, as much as possible, caregivers should try to involve their elderly parents with their physical health and treatment plan so that there is continued ownership and responsibility over their health and well- being. This increases a sense of efficacy and agency over health decisions and also provides an opportunity for any health-related concerns to be addressed.
FRIENDSHIPS AND SENSE OF COMMUNITY
Fostering friendships and maintaining social connections are strong predictors for health and happiness. This is especially true for our elderly parents.
As our parents age, they may need to be more intentional in socially engaging with others as they are the most vulnerable in experiencing isolation and disconnection from others around them. This can be further exacerbated when they experience loss and grief from losing a partner, close friends and family through the passage of time.
Fostering social ties and developing new habits can be especially challenging for the older generation as they may have to overcome decades of built-in mindsets and attitudes towards life. Caregivers can continue to encourage their parents to engage in activities of interest, such as being involved in religious institutions, gardening or cooking together with others.
They can also be guided on how to set aside time to catch up with old friends and being open to trying different activities with others. Socialising and maintaining friendships in our senior years have been known to improve self-esteem and communicative skills, keep us mentally sharp, and improve our overall quality of life.
CONCLUSION
Navigating and understanding the needs of our elderly parents can seem like a daunting task but with collaboration, goal setting and openness to change, our parents can continue to lead independent and meaningful lives well into their golden years.
